Ember Noire - "My Great Big Broken Heart"
Directed by: David Desharnais
Produced By: Woodshop Productions Vertical Tan Co.
This song has a very deep and sentimental meaning behind it. It is written in regards to a person that is very dear to me. it describes the inherent fear of a person who is familiar to you in all the wrong ways, and how a situation may seem to be cut and dry when in reality there are layers that need to be pulled apart. I wrote this song about a loss, and the broken heart that I don't think I will ever be able to completely heal from, as it was inherited. So , it is something a person must carry with them. A loss and fear of repetition of someone else mistakes , and losing someone I love dearly, an empty feeling that is always there. and this is My Great Big Broken Heart
Music was a constant in my life. I don't exactly remember when I started singing I just know I can remember doing it as a very young child in super markets, Church choir, and any bathroom I could find with good acoustics. During my entire duration of being in school I was always in some kind of chorus program, I had even signed up for drama once, didn't need it though since I was dramatic enough on my own.
My high school career wasn't any bit interesting. I was the weird girl in the corner of the room avoiding people at all cost with the bright blue hair and a slab of black eyeliner on my water line. I truly went out of my way to be unbothered. That being said, my school career was not all sunshine and rainbows, despite minding my own business their were people who went out of their way to give me a hard time. But nothing could bother me too long. My father was a musician since i was young. He was a drummer and a vocalist for a band he and his friends put together. I remembering him playing loudly, unapologetically in the basement of my childhood home. That was truly how he went about his life. Loud and unapologetic. You can only imagine why i would want to be someone like him.
He pressed me to sing in my fifth grade talent show, i sang 'my heart will go on' By Celine Dion and got the final act in the show. I got a standing ovation and they threw roses at me and everything, but my memories for the talent show aren't ones I remember the most. I remember the audition where my father ushered his shy daughter onto stage, and how he cried when he heard me sing for real for the first time and how he took me to every rehearsal leading up to the big night I like to believe the report i Received from my parents, and my new music family is what drives me to keep going everyday. When I became a bit older, i started writing poetry, sighting Edgar Allan Poe, Shakespeare and Greek tragedies the like which eventually grew into writing lyrics. There's something about being an awkward teen that introduces the trend in your mind that you are not good enough for anything, especially the things you work for.
Squash that idea immediately. I waited until i was 15 to truly pursue my passion and haven't looked back since. It's the best thing I have ever done for myself. So never believe you aren't good enough. You write and sing and play an instrument just as good, if not better than the pantheons of artists who already exist, and hell you might even become one some day. So just do it. Do it for yourself, for someone you miss, do it because your bored! Just make sure you live it. I spent so much of my childhood not living due to insecurities and body image issues. Now i write for myself, the people i miss, or when I'm angry, happy, in love. Its liberating. And the people you meet to back you up will become your family.
I'm so grateful to have found myself with the people i have supporting me. My story is like others. A trail of hardships and determination guiding the path to where i want to be My father passed away when i was 12. We were living in a house that had no heat or hot water for two Years of the duration we lived there. When we moved away, i never left him there. He's always with me whenever i do anything. Music related or no. Its what I use to fill the void his passing left me so many years ago. It's the premise for my song 'Great Big Broken heart' ,a song about the idea of wanting to be like someone in someway, but not in the others. How simplicity is never quite that simple. While you want to continue their good traits, you wish to leave behind their darker ones. Right now i am struggling again. But i have music, and i have love and support. And while struggles come to an end, that type of bridge to hold you never really will. That's why I'm still here, being creepy, writing music for myself.